i have a magazine column!

with a deadline coming up tomorrow. EEP.

you should check out the first issue though, really.

September - 2010

DENOVO Issue 1:

Featuring: Writings from VELOCITY, Julie Bilotta, and Laurie Jones. Makeup Artist Lyndsey Ariel. Reviews on Apple's iPAD, BAR-CELONA Restaurant. New music from dRUMFISH.Interview with actor Erik McKay. Fiction from Abbey Phillips. Photography from Dixie Dixon, Marc Whitaker, and Robert Anthony.


bread crumbs.

dear food distributors and producers:

please label your fucking products correctly.

when you list allergens, list them ALL, and do the same with your fucking ingredients. "bread crumbs" doesn't jump out at me as "GLUTEN!" when i'm scanning a label of something that's sitting in the hummus section, which rarely has the death protein in it....

i forget how entirely shitty this makes me feel.
and now i'm stuck, seriously ill, at my mother's house.
atleast i made it here.

obstinance and resilience are easily confused and blended.
a lady told me today she'd love to be doing what i am, but she'd have to take shooting lessons first. i laughed and told her that the world really isn't that scary.

then i drove my car, with no air conditioner or alternator belt, the remainging 300 some-odd miles to my hometown, zooming around mountain bends while eating a pomegranate and not wearing a seatbelt.

if bad things are meant to happen, they will.
one way or another.


near a place called xxyxz.

in the middle of the desert one can feel the instinctive animosity of the earth come to life when the sun drops, it makes me hungry.

is it wrong to want blood?

positive rage.
channeled disgust.
and a taste for empathic separation.

to live in a world where the glass was too often half full would be fucking boring.

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monologue. (are you listening?)

no strings or things, less love, more living.
i've found relative peace in passivity and debauchery.

this week blew up in my face, and i've been sucked into a pleasant distraction. sometimes i wonder if the minds i try to understand are seeking anything in my innards, most often i just bask in their eccentricities.

i'm content with having much less than i have been in months, my income and spending are both at all time lows. times are rough but i've got all i need, and the maintenance costs of living in a newly renovated high mileage truck are starting to level out.

publication in a few magazines forthcoming, i'm daily debating my feelings on my occupation. the past year has seen me really gravitate away from enjoying mass amount of attention, or spending any time on the computer. add that to a complete lack of desire to get made up and pretty, and you have a pretty poor model.

i'm glad i have the wherewithal and ability (apparently) to fake it.



it's very strange to be so ambivalent about life. transience is like being under a voodoo spell, you focus on getting what needs to be done done and spend the rest of your time absently dreaming from the back corner of your brain.

the northwest always has me gaining weight. too many bakeries with gluten free goodies up here.... and i tend to gravitate away from the world emotionally before or during my stay up here. i have a comfort eating issue, i just don't know if i see it as a full blown addiction yet.

and i don't know if that's really a horrible addiction to have.
as much as i love bones, i am in love with cuisine and the culture surrounding it.
(hence the spice rack in my tiny mobile nest.)

running and working endlessly.
i don't know if it will stop until the winter.

i hope i will remember every corner of the earth i speed past.



i have no time for decompression, and so i am trying to live every day just like i strove to on the playa, with an open heart and mind and more determination than usual.

i do not have a multitude of images to show for my adventure, nor would they depict anything about what this burn really consisted of for me. it was much less a party and much more a prayer.

the desert taught me some fucking important things this year.
and i learned them (mostly) alone.

there is great solidarity in singularity.

on with life, it's the most precious thing i own.