in love with leaving.

i keep telling myself and casually mentioning to others that i don't want to model for a living for too long. i've started to question whether that's me speaking, or the parts of me that are sympathetic to my lover who doesn't see me for months or the part of me that craves a consistent set of friends.

the truth is i love leaving places, people and things.

much of this comes from the knowledge that i'll be back eventually, and the reunion will be sweeter the more i take my time, but i think some strange fetish for goodbyes speeds me on my way as well. heather's post made me think quite a bit about this.

i feel it's impossible to do this any way but alone.

i spent 13 hours in my car yesterday between rochester, NY and nashville, TN with no companion but mary jane and my jumbled music collection. by the end of it all i was giddy and hallucinating. not in an anxious, tired sort of way either, i just saw dotted white lines in my dreams last night. the open road is more intoxicating than any drink you can pour me.

the truth is i am so in love with what i do, and how i do it, that it scares me a little.

the negative aspects of the industry bother me quite a bit as well, but i think it's my comfort and abandon that cause me to want to seek my bread and butter elsewhere. i'm sort of a damn fool, aren't i?

(reposted from original location for relevance.)


flesh and earth.

first publication in a book has occured, and it's for a very interesting project called "flesh stones" by myndzeye photography from seattle.

the book focuses, as the title entails, on the female form in unison with different kinds of rocks. it's truly a beautiful compilation of bodyscapes that would make a great coffee table ornament or addition to any art collectors shelves.

check it out!


the trials of being a rainbow haired freak.

the orange in my hair has turned brown at the tips from the blue and green that i put in it, which means i stood in freezing cold water washing the dye out for 5 minutes for nothing.


it's 5:30 in the morning, i have to wake up in 5 hours and hustle to pack, finish some crafty stuff, get to the bank, then drive to pennsylvania.

i will sleep damn good tomorrow night.
(if i can figure out how to fix my hair without it falling out.)


like a decapitated chicken.

moving sucks, especially when you have to sort through years upon years of useless crap that isn't yours and have a pile of trash as tall as you are outside your new place before you can even begin to think about moving your things in. insignificant things hold so much meaning to me sometimes that it's very difficult for me to sort through a box of garbage and knick knacks and decide what has actual worth, especially when i hardly know the person who this garbage is attached to.

that's what you get for being a lazy slob and leaving the dirty work to other people though: all your old things and the memories attached to them are sloppily thrown in a pile of the basement of the dilapadated house you still own, to gather mildew and mold.

i swear the value of that apartment has gone up atleast 20% just from all the scrubbing and trash removal that's been done. jesus.

i leave for the wide open road in 2 days though, and thankfully the new house is almost clean enough to live in. so i don't have that to stress about the whole time i'm traveling.

burning man here i come.


doom bunnies.

i can't voice my thoughts right now, it'd sound way too emo.

so here's a creepy/cute picture of me and kess.