regret me not.

i have a terrible subconscious habit of forcing myself back to sleep when in the midst of an involved nightmare... to finish it, out of masochistic intrigue, to gain closure... i'm not quite sure why. our dreams definitely reflect our waking life.

i once, very firmly, did not believe in regret.

a single entity has stripped me of that higher thinking intermittently for years. it's insane what love, and eventually addiction, will make you forget.

free as i am now, i refuse to regret a single thing, for in what ever moment i know i was being driven by nothing but my will for good: a good life for myself and those i care for. giving without receiving, and then being tormented by the recepient makes one waver in their conviction, but i know in all solidarity that one should never give something away and expect it back. and even though that care may have been misplaced or misjudged, it was real at the time, and that's all that really matters.

there is no more debt, no more dwelling.

"goodbye my hopeless dream."


in sickness, in health and in a shit storm.

life continue to pummel me at times, then bless me with amazing experiences and people. there is no calm for me, just violent swings and perception.

my health continues to give me trouble, things are irreversibly changed due to some of that. i will never be the same person... but change is the only constant along with- again- perception. make lemonade out of rotten lemons and sweeten it with those eyes.

falling out of love is much easier if you're falling in it too.

easier still when there is so much spilled milk rotting all around...
milk that hasn't touched your own lips in ages.

(polaroids by nathan appel)

i'm not signing any papers, i'm not granting ownership, but goddamnit for the first time in years i feel totally content with another being... and have no real motivation to chase any other. twin spirit, mischievous genius, better at cat noises than i, and full of new things to discover. just had to get that out of the way.... pardon my infatuation!!!

there is no darkness these days.
just shade cast by things caught in brilliant light.

i go to europe in 3 weeks and i couldn't be more excited.
or more terrified. gluten free vegan in france?
stranger things have happened.