strength in singularity.

i need to sleep so i can finish building my truck-home and shoot tomorrow, but i'm too occupied dreaming with my eyes open. i am so utterly infatuated with the future right now it's absurd. and i have no idea what to expect, which is the most freeing feeling i've had in years.

i have places to land softly,

i have goals and deadlines,


and i will shortly be tied to no thing, no one, no place.
just responsibility for my job and well being,
and an overwhelming sense of connection to all.



i often wonder if i will all this irony into my existence,
because it makes me smile like a child.

all photos by the amazing jaret ferratusco

circle the spiral.

i am lucky to have wandered upon such true, but forgiving mirrors in the funhouse.

self destruction is an utter cop-out:
no more alcohol until the burn, and then i believe i'm sticking to wine.

now: a week of packing and building, preparation for life with no tethers.
and i'm excited to enter it with such clarity.

glisten from the daze.

i will miss philadelphia, and having a home. i am driven away from all comfort by a need to overcome my circumstances as autonomously and quickly as possible.

my birthday was on the 14th, and quite honestly, after my 21st, i'm not celebrating it anymore. it is without fail one of the more stressful days of the year, regardless of my lack of expectations.

i don't know if it's humanly possible to move forward in a situation without some sort of goal in mind. a plant will die no matter how much water you give it when planted in poor soil. it's been mumbled that i love without an "attachment to an outcome," and though i really do just want everyone i care about to flourish in whatever way they see fit, there are still basic foundations of conducive interaction that need to be nurtured.

dancing is still the most therapeutic thing gift in my life and it must happen more if i am to remain sane. last night was spend popping, locking, shuffling and swinging my heart out under the stars with thousands of other people in the mountains: every muscle aches in utter joy.


the proper world is based in certainties and i have none to offer or demand, a fleeting fire.




can one revert to any grounded path when it has been disregarded for the sky?

aneurysm.

slug, the main propoenent of musical collective atmosphere, puts my life to words in such an eerily accurate fashion i don't know if my writing can even hold a candle to it's clarity. i sort of feel that way about all of hiphop, it is, in it's finest moments, modern poetry.



And when the vein start to pop from the blood
Pushed away from the heart
Patience, I need more, as my temper becomes tempted
To up and down on this seesaw
I should escape, I should disappear
Its gettin clear, crystal clear
I'm in a bad position here
I gave you power, gave you control
But you had to play the role
Reckless with the treasure that you hold
There isn't much as unsatisfying
as the blind man listening
Believing in the one that's lying
Hide the crying, tears in the pocket
A fool for the interlude that introduced the moshpit
Exhausted by the storm, before the calm
Holding on to a memory, keeping it warm within my palm

friends and lovers lie (down).

so accurate is the time honored standard of loving yourself being integral to truly loving anything external. even truer is that if one hurts themselves they are causing collateral pain to those that care for them.


i don't know if my heart will break ever again but it is certainly sprained.

days like these i wish i was not such a goddamn romantic.

motivational objectification.

buy new car, drive until it's "outdated," trade in for newer car.
upgrade your flight, your housing, your look.
find new thing, abuse, grow tired, repeat.
the american way.

(i hope it's ultimately not the human way.)
did you think you'd be as much like your parents as you really are?
i sure as hell didn't.


i'm craving deep connections and fishing in fleeting seas.
but know that i sail towards something, now a little bit more tangible.