there is no if, just this.

i have fallen. i have wholly despaired.

i hated myself and sought to rid the planet of it.

the hotel room was so sterile, comfortable, singular, and so removed. everything was so simple to execute that i came within a matter of turning a knob to erase the mark.

thoughts suddenly flooded my head of my kitten, my lovers, friends, family. especially crash, there is something undeniably vital about taking care of a helpless loving being. he needs me, anything that would remove me from his world entirely would be incredibly selfish. i can't hurt him, and i'm pretty sure even when i leave for a long time he loves me even more when i come home.



i have been helped, so much...
and am putting things back in their place.

i need to be much better than this.
the task at hand is to decipher how.